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things

Things are good.

Been awhile. Yes I know. I’ve missed you too.

Things here are moving forward, if haltingly.

Daddio and Vex have been going up and down with sharp inclines and, at the moment, are mellowed out enough that I think they both are enjoying the breather. Daddio is taking steps to modify the CO and potentially looking at where he stands with a change in custody in the next year or so. Shall see.

I’ve hit a plateau in my weightloss because of my own fault. I’m just maintaining at the moment. I need to get back to the mindset of actually loosing the weight. I am making better choices, but I’m giving into temptation too often.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

So true. Need to remember when that when my son shoves a gooey yummy donut in my face while my tummy is growling for lunch. Le sigh.

I’m feeling motivated. Really motivated. I want to re-do my life. I want to chisel in some changes. Fine tuning if you will.

Of course I want to continue to lose weight. I would like to reach 160 before Daddio & I are TTC this summer. That’s just over 40 lbs. I CAN do it. Absolutely.

Also,

I would like to put together a $1,000 savings pot with Daddio. We have debts, but I would like to see us have $1,000 tucked aside for family emergencies.

I would also like to start doing No Spend Days twice a week. This will be hard for me. I like to spend. A lot. And I see that I am teaching my son that it’s OK to spend money easily.

Likewise, Daddio and I want to challenge ourselves to a 90-day shopping free living existence. Say What? For 90 days Daddio and I will not purchase anything that is not needed. Food & toiletries are acceptable. New clothing, gadgets, books, magazines, etc. Not so much.

Likewise, I want to start “No Drive Days”. Days where I am able to entertain MFOC in our home with whatever we have on hand already.

Tweaks. Fine tuning. Things like that. I want to make them happen. I want to find contentment in what God has already blessed me with and not worry about what else is out there that I could be adding to my collection.

Grr Argh

DH has EOW visitation. And EO Friday he takes the girls out to dinner it’s a 2 hour drive after work to get out there. He he leaves an hour early (4) and gets there between 6 and 6:30 depending what time he actually gets on the road, traffic, etc. For 1 year, he has picked them up between 6 – 6:30 and dropped them back off around 8

The youngest is “potty trained” according to BM, but she won’t use the potty when we take her out of the house. So we’ve requested that she be in a pull-up from travel because she won’t announce that she needs to potty first. So tonight we get there at 6:30, bad traffic, pick them up, stop at a store to grab an item, get back to the car, it’s now 7, and the youngest has wet herself. Never said anything, never gave signals that she needed to pee, etc. DH calls BM who proceeds to B#$#$#$ him out on the phone. It’s HIS fault, HE should have had spare clothing for them, HE got there too late and needs to just drop them back off seeing as it’s now 7:20

DH goes back to BMs home and walks youngest up to door to have her changed into clean clothes. At the door same thing, only this time she threatens to call the cops on him if he doesn’t return them by 7:30. So at 7:35 we’re on our way back out to McD’s and she texts him.

7:33 Where are the kids

- playing

I will call the cops then. you had until 7:30 and you knew that. I’ll see you back in court.

- ANd while we’re there I will point out it has been this way all year and should jsut be made 6 – 8 officially

Go for it. But you don’t even arrive at 6

- this one week

-due to unfortunate accident with the potty I would like to enjoy a bit more time with the girls. not breaking anything. I can return them sunday if you prefer.

It does not matter. you are breaking the decree right now and refusing to bring them back. I have it in writing.

- I am not refusing to bring them back. just waiting for them to come back from playing

bull shit. 7:30 is it no matter what. Or are you admitting to not being able to handle the kids while they are in your posession.

- I would like to have a nice visit with the girls as we did swap weekends as you requested.

we will go back to court and you can not have them on thanksgiving. it is my year in the decree. go ahead and keep them, it is the 1st weekend. hope you’re happy.

- lost response likely something of “If that is what you’d like.”

if you do not keep them, yet again you are breaking divorce decree. i will come prepared to court with bills from their dr appointments that you never paid half not to include their medicine, etc.

8:03 You need to let me know one way or another if you are keeping them this weekend or I will assume something bad has happened to the girls and call the cops.

- if we are keeping our plans for thanksgiving we will gladly drop them off. if that is no longer the case we will have them for the weekend.

No we will now follow all plans per divorce decree due to your behaviour

-if that would make you happy

nope not really but my happiness does not matter it’s the girls. and you have kept them out too late, way pas time, so go by the decree.

- Have a good weekend they will be back sunday

Thank you for at least letting me know

 

She’s trying to threaten him with going to court for “unpaid medical bills”. I have to keep reminding DH that’s she’s full of hot air. If the WORST she can complain about to DH is that for the first time in 2 years he returned them home last weekend in DS’s old clothes because their clothes were not dry yet from when we washed them, then, gosh, he must be doing OK. That and these random unpaid medical bills that she’s never shown us or even mentioned until she gets upset and threatens going to court. Here is where it gets tricky. DH and I have been concerned about DSDs socialization and development for awhile. We’ve been researching and not finding a lot of information and not having a lot of “evidence” which we could use in court, just hunches. This weekend we pooled our observations form the last six months and we are 95% convinced that the only time MissyLou leaves Vexs house is with US. MissyMae might leave once in awhile, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Again. This is from piecing together comments she’s made and observations ourselves.

Daddio and I both are worried about when MissyMae starts school in the fall because she is NOT emotionally ready. It took us 5 months to TEACH them how to play on a playground or go grocery shopping. We have been trying to get MissyMae to go to sunday school and she refuses. As in falls on the ground and flips out into a rage refuses. She is unable to be somewhere that a parent (or trusted caregiver) is not with her. She has started to do this when we go to the gym as well. Refuses to go to the daycare.

Uhm…. something is going to hit the fan when Vex refuses to see there is an issue (because she never takes the girls out anywhere to NOTICE an issue) and in 10 months without making any changes she tries to just drop off MissyMae and think everything will be fine.

 

Yeah. Right.

 

I’ll admit it. I want those girls away from Vex. She doesn’t deserve them. She has NO IDEA how good she has it with Daddio and it just makes me fall apart inside when I see how torn up he gets simply for doing right by his kids because she can’t stand to ever be criticized or not be calling the shots. If she were a good mom and the kids were happy and well adjusted, I would be the first one to tell Daddio to back off and learn to accept his role in his girls’ lives. To trust Vex to be a good mom. BUT SHE’S NOT.

Which makes me a witch for saying that out loud. I get it. But I don’t care because my first priority is to support Daddio in making sure his girls are safe and happy and being raised to be responsible adults. Then I can worry about being a politically correct step-mom.

laughing

because we’re broke.

can’t buy food broke. Might be short on rent broke. And it’s hysterical.

People email all the time about how they want a “deal” on their pictures. Obviously I’m already giving them a “deal” if we’re this freakin’ broke and I’m this dang busy. I need another job, but I dont WANT another job. I just want to take pictures. I should listen to myself and raise my prices, all the “rockstars” swear by it.

But, in the meantime, WTH would I do?

THIS is not working. Clearly. Something needs to change.

Not sure what. But something.

I have spent some money on extras last couple months, but not a lot.

Still. Wow. This is not good. *sigh*

And then I start to think about how we will NEVER be ready for another baby. We will never have the extra money to afford it. Etc. Etc.

Life is sucking right now. Really, really sucking in the financial sector.

Not that this is unique, of course.

To trust or not to trust

Vex called Daddio yesterday.

She apparently offered him Thanksgiving week since she took Thanksgiving last year.  — Uhm, thanks for offering us what we were already supposed to have?

Then she asked Daddio if they could switch to just straight EOW rather than 1st, 3rd, 5th because she was getting confused on what is or isn’t a 5th weekend. He wasn’t too sure about it, but mentioned that he’d have to make sure if they did switch that he’d still get thegirls for the weekends his parents are in town over Christmas.

To which Vex says “Oh, would you like them for the two weeks over Christmas while your parents are in town?”

Are you kidding me?

I honestly don’t know how to respond because… this is Vex! She never does something that does not benefit her in some way, so, what’s she getting out of this? Why is she so OK with the girls being gone over the holidays. This concerns me people. It concerns me because for the first time MissyMae threw a fit about going home when we saw her on Friday. Because I don’t see a real bond between these girls and their mother and I’m aching inside WANTING Vex to step up and be there for them. I want MissyMae & MissyLou to have their mother. I want to be the happy step-mom who’s a little looney and always buys cool gifts. I dont want this to go in the direction I’m fearful it’s going, where Vex continues to pawn them off to the point where one day they look at me and say “why doesn’t my mommy love me?” and I’ll have to pull up the big girl panties and think of a response that wont be the cold truth.

I’m sure some people might think Vex is just being nice trying to let Daddio & I have the girls for when his parents are in town. But Vex NEVER does anything nice just because. If this is her first ‘just because’ nice act, then you can understand my suspicion about it and how I can’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe, Vex is off work those weeks and would rather not be home all day with three kids under 4 so she wants to toss them off on us to give her a break. In which case, it goes back to my whole “Step Up VEX!” vent above. YOU made them. You have an obligation to love them and be their mother. If the chaos of 2 toddlers & a newborn is too much then maybe you should think about not having another “Opps” babe and get yourself on some birth control.

Daddio and I are currently trying to think about what we can do when his parents are in town. Our car seats 5. His parents and the girls will make 7. We dont want to be stuck in the house for 2 weeks, obviously, so next question is what exactly do we want to be able to do? So many silly new things to stress about. Someone get me a minivan already?

Houston, Can we just skip Halloween?

Money this year is tight, the kids don’t really care yet, and, frankly, I dont need to be surrounded by buckets of bite sized candy.

MFOC is set on being Thomas, which means he gets a very dorky looking costume that’s been sitting in the bottom of the dress up box for a few months. I know he loves Thomas right now, but this costume just is not my thing. I would have much rather he wanted to be a monster or a dinosaur, but no, he loves his blue engine friend.

The girls will go as princesses since we have about ten dozen princess dresses in the dress up box. Okay, it’s only four, but still. $30 a costume or one of their current favorite dresses that we already own. Hmmmmmm….

argh. I’m just tired. in another life I could go to bed but right now, I have about 5 more hours of work to do before I crash out.

Skinny Mom & Thin Dad

As previously posted I am currently transforming myself into a cook. Each week (or everyday, whatev) I scour the internet searching for the next WW friendly recipe to use on my family. Each meal must meet specific requirements.

1 – Must not be over 6 points a serving.

2 – Must be easy to make by my retarted-so-not-a-chef self.

3 – Must have ingredients I can actually FIND in Target.

and 4 – Must be something I could envision MFOC actually eating without making horrid “Mom you’re trying to poison me” faces.

One time Daddio cooked this awesome coconut curry meal that was delish to the max, only the amount of curry in it did not agree with MFOC’s mouth and thus we lost the dinner battle that night.

So, the other night, as I am searching the kitchen to try and find where exactly Daddio has put the saucepans and mixing spoons (dude, for the last 6 months I have not cooked ONCE…) I realized that this whole dinner thing would be SO much easier if they had a cookbook that was dedicated to easy meals that were healthy, home cooked, and 100% toddler approved. And by healthy I mean aimed at letting mom & dad drop a few pounds. ***

Because, really, how many parents who are just starting to refocus on getting healthy or cooking more want to open a cookbook and think to themselves “Oh, spaghetti squash with avocado pesto sauce would be amazing tonight!” (Note, that is currently our meal plan for Saturday, though…) So I turned to Daddio and blurted “We should write a cookbook and have it focused on easy meals low in points that toddlers like which also come withe the option to make in bulk to be frozen and/or used the following day as leftovers for lunches.”

And I think it should have two sections. First is all for the beginners. People like ME who have a desire to start cooking more and making healthy choices for the family but have no idea where the sauce spoons are.

And the second half are for people like Daddio. Who totally know where the sauce spoons are AND know where to find the measuring cups and have reached the “I actually like to cook” point in their lives.

I’m trying to get there people. Trying.

So we’re going to start a “Skinny Mom & Thin Dad” franchise with our first cookbook being called “Baby Steps to Cooking Fit” Because nothing solves the problem of being over worked like adding another project to the mix.

HOWEVER, I’m excited because since the first week that I’ve known Daddio, he’s always commented on wanting to write a cookbook. And I’ve always thought he was looney because no way was I about to spend five years being his guinea pig on how to take traditional English meals and create them on traditional American ingredients. Besides, who exactly was going to BUY that kind of cook book to compensate me for the amount of guineapigging I’d be forced to do in order to support him?

But this? Yeah this whole Skinny Mom/Thin Dad bit is good. Real good. Because Daddio can write and I can learn to cook and together we can focus on teaching our kids how to eat healthy and that cooking your own food is awesome and not totally hippie.

I am excited people.

Now I just need to figure out exactly how to go about the whole coming up with recipes thing. Only a minor set back …

*** I’m sure such a cook-book does exist however for our family we will simply pretend it doesnt and contribute to the pollution of self-help-make-me-skinny-family-friendly-cook-books that sit on the shelves of families across the country.

oh not again

Going through the open tabs and trying to consolidate them as much as possible or at least close the ones I really don’t care enough about to continue reading and I stumbled on this little jewel.

http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/10/the-naked-truth/

At first I was having a fun giggle or two at the images of her being ‘dangerously close’ to fitting into her favorite jeans again. But something she said stuck with me in regards to her post-baby body -

‘It’s as if I have to make peace with my body again. No cardio will ever lift my c-section scar or my stretch marks – they’re my baby battle wounds. But… I will fit in my jeans again. I can do the work to make that happen. And, I will find a way to feel sexy again.’
Since MFOC was born I’ve yo-yoed up and down with the same 10 pounds. Very long yo-yos, but still the same. The truth is, I think a part of my was too scared to face the reality.

No matter how much weight I lose, my body will NEVER be the way it was when I was 19.

Some of the changes in my body would require lots of expensive and unneeded surgeries in order to make it look like “before”. Who wants to admit that? Who wants to admit that even after all the hard work and reaching that end goal, seeing the goal weight on the scale, that even then you still won’t look like those models. It makes you wonder in the back of your head if it’s worth it. If the struggle is worth it.

I am not just on a quest to reach a specific weight. I am on a quest to find myself sexy again. Sexy in a make love with the lights on kind of way. The physical marks on my body from pregnancy and birthing a child are never.going.away. Even with losing 60+ pounds (in the end) they will still be there.

And my boobs will still sag.

I need to be able to understand that, expect it, respect it. I have to find a way to make peace with my ‘mommy body’ and while I get fit & healthy I need to be embracing the changes my body went through 3 years ago and not let it hold me back from feeling sexy and attractive.

I need to redefine my idea of sexy to include room for saggy skin, stretch marks, and even a little muffin-top. I need to redefine what sexy is to me, so that I can be able to view myself as fitting into that definition.

sigh sigh sigh

Been finding some fun links lately. Been hard to find the time to read through them all. Impossible really.So they just stay opened in tabs until I have about one bajillion tabs opened and every time I start my computer it takes about ten minutes for FireFox to count how many tabs I last had opened. Hello, my name is Mav | Momtog and I have a tab addition.

I thought about putting them into bookmarks, but I know they’ll never be looked at again. Yes putting a site in “bookmark” is sentencing it to never be seen again by my eyes. Brilliant. A total “out of sight out of mind” type situation.

So, for now, they sit open with literally 30+ tabs on one browser.

MFOC has been having some sleep issues recently. It started with him waking up at 4 AM wetting the bed, something he’d never done before. Then it morphed into him just waking up at 5:30 ready to start the day. This morning, at 6:15, I rolled over to see MFOC on the floor with his blanket & pillow, asleep.

Traditionally because Daddio & I only have a queen bed it’s quite cramped whenever a 3rd body tries to sleep in it. Especially if that 3rd body wriggles and wiggles and moves. So with the early morning wake-ups I would suggest that MFOC bring his blanket & pillow and sleep in the floor until Daddio’s alarm went off and they could go get breakfast. This morning, however, I do not remember hearing MFOC enter the room. I do not remember if I woke up and told him to go get his pillow and blanket. I just know that he was there when I woke up and I felt great being able to sleep the whole night rather than waking up early.

Speaking of sleeping, no matter how hard we try, Daddio and I cannot get to bed before 12:30. Even when we’re IN bed, we end up talking to each other about anything, everything until one of us gives up and cries ‘uncle’ for some sleep. I dont mind this, except I think it’s starting to take it’s toll on Daddio. Being up so late has caused him to be a little less chipper in the mornings. Understandable. I just hope it’s not causing him to feel tired and sleepy at work.

Today is laundry day. And change the oil day. And, hopefully, go to the gym day.

We’ll see.

Oh Yes HE Did

** Note to incoming people posting on this entry  – Forgive me for posting my opinion but it is my opinion which I have every right to post. My comments were only that the maternity images were unflattering, which they are, given that she is still not in the big obvious baby belly stage COUPLED WITH her very bored expression as if she couldn’t care less. I’m sorry you feel I’m a cold hearted bitch because of my opinion. Truly. It was obviously never my intention to hurt anyone or I simply could have … oh, left an anonymous comment on a blog calling her ugly, untrue names. As it was, I posted a comment in my personal blog, admitted it was totally 100% anti-PC, and went on with being fascinated by her 8th pregnancy and all that goes with it.

The quality of the photography is perfectly awesome. Simply the pose I was unimpressed with. To each her own though. Thank you for playing. **

So I’ve been procrastinating and surfing around finding fun blogs to read rather than actually work on any of the dozens of business related things I should be working on (yeah, I know) and I came across this site

http://baby-eight.blogspot.com/

Where the blogger is having her 8th child and is writing about all the ups and downs and in between things. Fascinating.

And then she posted some recent belly pics at 21 weeks. Being the curious Momtog I had to look.

And I laughed. Hard.

http://www.karenbove.com/21%20weeks/

Now, first, I seriously thought these were some of the most unflattering maternity images I’ve seen in the aspect that had she not TOLD me she was pregnant, I would have had to GUESS they were supposed to be maternity images and not just some overweight woman. Mean and cruel, I know, whatever.

But then I noticed the lack of smile, make-up, or anything else that would suggest excitement about the event. Daddio looked, and made a comment about it as well.

To which I quickly shot back “Well it’s her EIGHTH child! No wonder she’s not all glowy with maternal anticipation!” Because, of course, I remember all too well what I looked like pregnant and it’s no where near glowy or maternal.

So he responds “No wonder she looks bored, she’s almost run out of fingers to count them on.”

Oh no. Did he seriously just say that?

Yes, he did.

And that’s why I love him.