Archive for the 'Grrr Argh' Category

Grr Argh

DH has EOW visitation. And EO Friday he takes the girls out to dinner it’s a 2 hour drive after work to get out there. He he leaves an hour early (4) and gets there between 6 and 6:30 depending what time he actually gets on the road, traffic, etc. For 1 year, he has picked them up between 6 – 6:30 and dropped them back off around 8

The youngest is “potty trained” according to BM, but she won’t use the potty when we take her out of the house. So we’ve requested that she be in a pull-up from travel because she won’t announce that she needs to potty first. So tonight we get there at 6:30, bad traffic, pick them up, stop at a store to grab an item, get back to the car, it’s now 7, and the youngest has wet herself. Never said anything, never gave signals that she needed to pee, etc. DH calls BM who proceeds to B#$#$#$ him out on the phone. It’s HIS fault, HE should have had spare clothing for them, HE got there too late and needs to just drop them back off seeing as it’s now 7:20

DH goes back to BMs home and walks youngest up to door to have her changed into clean clothes. At the door same thing, only this time she threatens to call the cops on him if he doesn’t return them by 7:30. So at 7:35 we’re on our way back out to McD’s and she texts him.

7:33 Where are the kids

– playing

I will call the cops then. you had until 7:30 and you knew that. I’ll see you back in court.

– ANd while we’re there I will point out it has been this way all year and should jsut be made 6 – 8 officially

Go for it. But you don’t even arrive at 6

– this one week

-due to unfortunate accident with the potty I would like to enjoy a bit more time with the girls. not breaking anything. I can return them sunday if you prefer.

It does not matter. you are breaking the decree right now and refusing to bring them back. I have it in writing.

– I am not refusing to bring them back. just waiting for them to come back from playing

bull shit. 7:30 is it no matter what. Or are you admitting to not being able to handle the kids while they are in your posession.

– I would like to have a nice visit with the girls as we did swap weekends as you requested.

we will go back to court and you can not have them on thanksgiving. it is my year in the decree. go ahead and keep them, it is the 1st weekend. hope you’re happy.

– lost response likely something of “If that is what you’d like.”

if you do not keep them, yet again you are breaking divorce decree. i will come prepared to court with bills from their dr appointments that you never paid half not to include their medicine, etc.

8:03 You need to let me know one way or another if you are keeping them this weekend or I will assume something bad has happened to the girls and call the cops.

– if we are keeping our plans for thanksgiving we will gladly drop them off. if that is no longer the case we will have them for the weekend.

No we will now follow all plans per divorce decree due to your behaviour

-if that would make you happy

nope not really but my happiness does not matter it’s the girls. and you have kept them out too late, way pas time, so go by the decree.

– Have a good weekend they will be back sunday

Thank you for at least letting me know

 

She’s trying to threaten him with going to court for “unpaid medical bills”. I have to keep reminding DH that’s she’s full of hot air. If the WORST she can complain about to DH is that for the first time in 2 years he returned them home last weekend in DS’s old clothes because their clothes were not dry yet from when we washed them, then, gosh, he must be doing OK. That and these random unpaid medical bills that she’s never shown us or even mentioned until she gets upset and threatens going to court. Here is where it gets tricky. DH and I have been concerned about DSDs socialization and development for awhile. We’ve been researching and not finding a lot of information and not having a lot of “evidence” which we could use in court, just hunches. This weekend we pooled our observations form the last six months and we are 95% convinced that the only time MissyLou leaves Vexs house is with US. MissyMae might leave once in awhile, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Again. This is from piecing together comments she’s made and observations ourselves.

Daddio and I both are worried about when MissyMae starts school in the fall because she is NOT emotionally ready. It took us 5 months to TEACH them how to play on a playground or go grocery shopping. We have been trying to get MissyMae to go to sunday school and she refuses. As in falls on the ground and flips out into a rage refuses. She is unable to be somewhere that a parent (or trusted caregiver) is not with her. She has started to do this when we go to the gym as well. Refuses to go to the daycare.

Uhm…. something is going to hit the fan when Vex refuses to see there is an issue (because she never takes the girls out anywhere to NOTICE an issue) and in 10 months without making any changes she tries to just drop off MissyMae and think everything will be fine.

 

Yeah. Right.

 

I’ll admit it. I want those girls away from Vex. She doesn’t deserve them. She has NO IDEA how good she has it with Daddio and it just makes me fall apart inside when I see how torn up he gets simply for doing right by his kids because she can’t stand to ever be criticized or not be calling the shots. If she were a good mom and the kids were happy and well adjusted, I would be the first one to tell Daddio to back off and learn to accept his role in his girls’ lives. To trust Vex to be a good mom. BUT SHE’S NOT.

Which makes me a witch for saying that out loud. I get it. But I don’t care because my first priority is to support Daddio in making sure his girls are safe and happy and being raised to be responsible adults. Then I can worry about being a politically correct step-mom.

laughing

because we’re broke.

can’t buy food broke. Might be short on rent broke. And it’s hysterical.

People email all the time about how they want a “deal” on their pictures. Obviously I’m already giving them a “deal” if we’re this freakin’ broke and I’m this dang busy. I need another job, but I dont WANT another job. I just want to take pictures. I should listen to myself and raise my prices, all the “rockstars” swear by it.

But, in the meantime, WTH would I do?

THIS is not working. Clearly. Something needs to change.

Not sure what. But something.

I have spent some money on extras last couple months, but not a lot.

Still. Wow. This is not good. *sigh*

And then I start to think about how we will NEVER be ready for another baby. We will never have the extra money to afford it. Etc. Etc.

Life is sucking right now. Really, really sucking in the financial sector.

Not that this is unique, of course.

Houston, Can we just skip Halloween?

Money this year is tight, the kids don’t really care yet, and, frankly, I dont need to be surrounded by buckets of bite sized candy.

MFOC is set on being Thomas, which means he gets a very dorky looking costume that’s been sitting in the bottom of the dress up box for a few months. I know he loves Thomas right now, but this costume just is not my thing. đŸ˜‰ I would have much rather he wanted to be a monster or a dinosaur, but no, he loves his blue engine friend.

The girls will go as princesses since we have about ten dozen princess dresses in the dress up box. Okay, it’s only four, but still. $30 a costume or one of their current favorite dresses that we already own. Hmmmmmm….

argh. I’m just tired. in another life I could go to bed but right now, I have about 5 more hours of work to do before I crash out.

because we care

Backstory – Myfavoriteonlychild was fathered by FOB who moved from Michigan to Florida 6 months after I moved from Michigan to Texas. FOB has seen myfavoriteonlychild no more than a dozen times in the last 3 years and has called even less. The times he HAS seen myfavoriteonlychild has been because of holidays when we happened to both be back in Michigan at the same time. Never has FOB put an active effort into being involved (financially or emotionally) with myfavoriteonlychild or trying to see him. He is a deadbeat.

When Daddio and I first met and hinting at the whole getting married and being life long pains in each other’s arses, I brought up the topic of Daddio adopting myfavoriteonlychild. It was done in a casual sort of way, one where he had no idea that the answer to this question would mirror the answer to our potential engagement and thus his role in my life and access to my amazing bedroom talents. Daddio answered correctly and therefore I instantly pushed for an elopement

Over our relationship, I have questioned when the right time to start the adoption process would be. I do not care to rush Daddio in this, but I don’t feel like he would feel that he is being rushed, more that  want it to be part of his doing and not all of my directing. In every way Daddio is myfavoriteonlychild’s Dad. In fact, he is more of a Dad than most biological fathers are to their kids they live with. I am so incredibly amazingly lucky. I am “I don’t deserve this” lucky. I admit it daily.

I do not feel that Daddio needs to legally adopt myfavoriteonlychild for any reason other than I simply would like to give FOB a quiet way out of myfavoriteonlychild’s life before he becomes old enough to question why FOB is not there. It will be much, much easier for me to explain that FOB was unable to be there for myfavoriteonlychild and loved him so much that he wanted Daddio to be able to be myfavoriteonlychild’s dad for him.

NOTE myfavoriteonlychild will now be simply MFOC.

For many months I was thinking that next summer, when Daddio and I are planning to TTC our first child together, that then would be a good time to initiate the adoption process. But that still left one small detail. How do I allow MFOC to grow up with the knowledge that Daddio is his adopted father so it doesn’t become this huge skeleton in the closet that pops out 12 years later and creates a holly hell of a mess with a hormonal pre-teen. I feel our house will be much, much better served if MFOC always knows that Daddio is not FOB so it becomes a non-issue.

How do you accomplish this when the only option available is to actually TELL the child at this point.

My answer, as of recent, is to wait for the adoption process until MFOC is 5 and then make it a huge family bash. A celebration. The best day on earth. Even better than the birth of a new baby. Okay, close to that. But to hold this monstocity of a party when MFOC is old enough to be able to comprehend in a 5 yr old way that Daddio is now “officially” his Daddy forever and ever no matter what and despite any future teenage angst he may have. To make it an event he will remember as he grows up so it never has to be “explained” that he has a FOB.

But, as always, the mother in me needs to hear reassurance that this is a good idea. That it wont blow up in my face.

Or, if you have a better idea, then let’s hear that too.

a vent

“But I can’t watch him for three full days.”

Gee, I’m sorry asking you to spend time with your grandchild is such a hassle when you DONT.DO.ANYTHING.ELSE.

Especially when it’s so that I can try and make some mula to buy said grandchild wonderful things like food, clothing, and a roof over his head.

and stupid blinking light toys.

Normally I would have my wonderbar DCLady watch him, but since she’s gone AWOL for the next two weeks I’m kinda screwed on that department.

So I turn to the grandparents, and I beg with all the beggedness I can think to muster to ask her to watch myfavoriteonlychild since I will be going out of town for a wedding and really.really.really.really need said child to be watched for me.

Apparently this is crossing major lines. You just don’t ask grandparents to chip in and help out one week when your CDLady has gone AWOL. Because it’s just wrong to expect them to be willing to help out. Yeah. Wrong. I mean what was I thinking? Especially since she has to get all packed for her trip on Monday. There is no way she could do that while having myfavoriteonlychild around the week before. Two days isn’t enough time to get ready for a week’s trip. Nope.

Man. What the heckle was I thinking?


Who Are These People?

Mav/Momtog/1p2 -
Me. The voice inside your head.

Daddio -
My husband.

MFOC -
Myfavoriteonlychild, my 3 yr old son

MissyMae & MissyLou -
Daddio's two dear daughters from his previous marriage to Vex.

Ama -
My on-again-off-again mother whom MFOC absolutely adores to bits and pieces and I manage to tolerate 6 months and 2 days out of the year.

Vex -
The crazy ex. Because no blended family would be complete without one. (But she's only half crazy EOW & alternating holidays)

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