Archive for the 'The White Picket Fence' Category

things

Things are good.

Been awhile. Yes I know. I’ve missed you too.

Things here are moving forward, if haltingly.

Daddio and Vex have been going up and down with sharp inclines and, at the moment, are mellowed out enough that I think they both are enjoying the breather. Daddio is taking steps to modify the CO and potentially looking at where he stands with a change in custody in the next year or so. Shall see.

I’ve hit a plateau in my weightloss because of my own fault. I’m just maintaining at the moment. I need to get back to the mindset of actually loosing the weight. I am making better choices, but I’m giving into temptation too often.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

So true. Need to remember when that when my son shoves a gooey yummy donut in my face while my tummy is growling for lunch. Le sigh.

I’m feeling motivated. Really motivated. I want to re-do my life. I want to chisel in some changes. Fine tuning if you will.

Of course I want to continue to lose weight. I would like to reach 160 before Daddio & I are TTC this summer. That’s just over 40 lbs. I CAN do it. Absolutely.

Also,

I would like to put together a $1,000 savings pot with Daddio. We have debts, but I would like to see us have $1,000 tucked aside for family emergencies.

I would also like to start doing No Spend Days twice a week. This will be hard for me. I like to spend. A lot. And I see that I am teaching my son that it’s OK to spend money easily.

Likewise, Daddio and I want to challenge ourselves to a 90-day shopping free living existence. Say What? For 90 days Daddio and I will not purchase anything that is not needed. Food & toiletries are acceptable. New clothing, gadgets, books, magazines, etc. Not so much.

Likewise, I want to start “No Drive Days”. Days where I am able to entertain MFOC in our home with whatever we have on hand already.

Tweaks. Fine tuning. Things like that. I want to make them happen. I want to find contentment in what God has already blessed me with and not worry about what else is out there that I could be adding to my collection.

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Grr Argh

DH has EOW visitation. And EO Friday he takes the girls out to dinner it’s a 2 hour drive after work to get out there. He he leaves an hour early (4) and gets there between 6 and 6:30 depending what time he actually gets on the road, traffic, etc. For 1 year, he has picked them up between 6 – 6:30 and dropped them back off around 8

The youngest is “potty trained” according to BM, but she won’t use the potty when we take her out of the house. So we’ve requested that she be in a pull-up from travel because she won’t announce that she needs to potty first. So tonight we get there at 6:30, bad traffic, pick them up, stop at a store to grab an item, get back to the car, it’s now 7, and the youngest has wet herself. Never said anything, never gave signals that she needed to pee, etc. DH calls BM who proceeds to B#$#$#$ him out on the phone. It’s HIS fault, HE should have had spare clothing for them, HE got there too late and needs to just drop them back off seeing as it’s now 7:20

DH goes back to BMs home and walks youngest up to door to have her changed into clean clothes. At the door same thing, only this time she threatens to call the cops on him if he doesn’t return them by 7:30. So at 7:35 we’re on our way back out to McD’s and she texts him.

7:33 Where are the kids

– playing

I will call the cops then. you had until 7:30 and you knew that. I’ll see you back in court.

– ANd while we’re there I will point out it has been this way all year and should jsut be made 6 – 8 officially

Go for it. But you don’t even arrive at 6

– this one week

-due to unfortunate accident with the potty I would like to enjoy a bit more time with the girls. not breaking anything. I can return them sunday if you prefer.

It does not matter. you are breaking the decree right now and refusing to bring them back. I have it in writing.

– I am not refusing to bring them back. just waiting for them to come back from playing

bull shit. 7:30 is it no matter what. Or are you admitting to not being able to handle the kids while they are in your posession.

– I would like to have a nice visit with the girls as we did swap weekends as you requested.

we will go back to court and you can not have them on thanksgiving. it is my year in the decree. go ahead and keep them, it is the 1st weekend. hope you’re happy.

– lost response likely something of “If that is what you’d like.”

if you do not keep them, yet again you are breaking divorce decree. i will come prepared to court with bills from their dr appointments that you never paid half not to include their medicine, etc.

8:03 You need to let me know one way or another if you are keeping them this weekend or I will assume something bad has happened to the girls and call the cops.

– if we are keeping our plans for thanksgiving we will gladly drop them off. if that is no longer the case we will have them for the weekend.

No we will now follow all plans per divorce decree due to your behaviour

-if that would make you happy

nope not really but my happiness does not matter it’s the girls. and you have kept them out too late, way pas time, so go by the decree.

– Have a good weekend they will be back sunday

Thank you for at least letting me know

 

She’s trying to threaten him with going to court for “unpaid medical bills”. I have to keep reminding DH that’s she’s full of hot air. If the WORST she can complain about to DH is that for the first time in 2 years he returned them home last weekend in DS’s old clothes because their clothes were not dry yet from when we washed them, then, gosh, he must be doing OK. That and these random unpaid medical bills that she’s never shown us or even mentioned until she gets upset and threatens going to court. Here is where it gets tricky. DH and I have been concerned about DSDs socialization and development for awhile. We’ve been researching and not finding a lot of information and not having a lot of “evidence” which we could use in court, just hunches. This weekend we pooled our observations form the last six months and we are 95% convinced that the only time MissyLou leaves Vexs house is with US. MissyMae might leave once in awhile, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Again. This is from piecing together comments she’s made and observations ourselves.

Daddio and I both are worried about when MissyMae starts school in the fall because she is NOT emotionally ready. It took us 5 months to TEACH them how to play on a playground or go grocery shopping. We have been trying to get MissyMae to go to sunday school and she refuses. As in falls on the ground and flips out into a rage refuses. She is unable to be somewhere that a parent (or trusted caregiver) is not with her. She has started to do this when we go to the gym as well. Refuses to go to the daycare.

Uhm…. something is going to hit the fan when Vex refuses to see there is an issue (because she never takes the girls out anywhere to NOTICE an issue) and in 10 months without making any changes she tries to just drop off MissyMae and think everything will be fine.

 

Yeah. Right.

 

I’ll admit it. I want those girls away from Vex. She doesn’t deserve them. She has NO IDEA how good she has it with Daddio and it just makes me fall apart inside when I see how torn up he gets simply for doing right by his kids because she can’t stand to ever be criticized or not be calling the shots. If she were a good mom and the kids were happy and well adjusted, I would be the first one to tell Daddio to back off and learn to accept his role in his girls’ lives. To trust Vex to be a good mom. BUT SHE’S NOT.

Which makes me a witch for saying that out loud. I get it. But I don’t care because my first priority is to support Daddio in making sure his girls are safe and happy and being raised to be responsible adults. Then I can worry about being a politically correct step-mom.

laughing

because we’re broke.

can’t buy food broke. Might be short on rent broke. And it’s hysterical.

People email all the time about how they want a “deal” on their pictures. Obviously I’m already giving them a “deal” if we’re this freakin’ broke and I’m this dang busy. I need another job, but I dont WANT another job. I just want to take pictures. I should listen to myself and raise my prices, all the “rockstars” swear by it.

But, in the meantime, WTH would I do?

THIS is not working. Clearly. Something needs to change.

Not sure what. But something.

I have spent some money on extras last couple months, but not a lot.

Still. Wow. This is not good. *sigh*

And then I start to think about how we will NEVER be ready for another baby. We will never have the extra money to afford it. Etc. Etc.

Life is sucking right now. Really, really sucking in the financial sector.

Not that this is unique, of course.

To trust or not to trust

Vex called Daddio yesterday.

She apparently offered him Thanksgiving week since she took Thanksgiving last year.¬† — Uhm, thanks for offering us what we were already supposed to have?

Then she asked Daddio if they could switch to just straight EOW rather than 1st, 3rd, 5th because she was getting confused on what is or isn’t a 5th weekend. He wasn’t too sure about it, but mentioned that he’d have to make sure if they did switch that he’d still get thegirls for the weekends his parents are in town over Christmas.

To which Vex says “Oh, would you like them for the two weeks over Christmas while your parents are in town?”

Are you kidding me?

I honestly don’t know how to respond because… this is Vex! She never does something that does not benefit her in some way, so, what’s she getting out of this? Why is she so OK with the girls being gone over the holidays. This concerns me people. It concerns me because for the first time MissyMae threw a fit about going home when we saw her on Friday. Because I don’t see a real bond between these girls and their mother and I’m aching inside WANTING Vex to step up and be there for them. I want MissyMae & MissyLou to have their mother. I want to be the happy step-mom who’s a little looney and always buys cool gifts. I dont want this to go in the direction I’m fearful it’s going, where Vex continues to pawn them off to the point where one day they look at me and say “why doesn’t my mommy love me?” and I’ll have to pull up the big girl panties and think of a response that wont be the cold truth.

I’m sure some people might think Vex is just being nice trying to let Daddio & I have the girls for when his parents are in town. But Vex NEVER does anything nice just because. If this is her first ‘just because’ nice act, then you can understand my suspicion about it and how I can’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe, Vex is off work those weeks and would rather not be home all day with three kids under 4 so she wants to toss them off on us to give her a break. In which case, it goes back to my whole “Step Up VEX!” vent above. YOU made them. You have an obligation to love them and be their mother. If the chaos of 2 toddlers & a newborn is too much then maybe you should think about not having another “Opps” babe and get yourself on some birth control.

Daddio and I are currently trying to think about what we can do when his parents are in town. Our car seats 5. His parents and the girls will make 7. We dont want to be stuck in the house for 2 weeks, obviously, so next question is what exactly do we want to be able to do? So many silly new things to stress about. Someone get me a minivan already?

Skinny Mom & Thin Dad

As previously posted I am currently transforming myself into a cook. Each week (or everyday, whatev) I scour the internet searching for the next WW friendly recipe to use on my family. Each meal must meet specific requirements.

1 – Must not be over 6 points a serving.

2 – Must be easy to make by my retarted-so-not-a-chef self.

3 – Must have ingredients I can actually FIND in Target.

and 4 – Must be something I could envision MFOC actually eating without making horrid “Mom you’re trying to poison me” faces.

One time Daddio cooked this awesome coconut curry meal that was delish to the max, only the amount of curry in it did not agree with MFOC’s mouth and thus we lost the dinner battle that night.

So, the other night, as I am searching the kitchen to try and find where exactly Daddio has put the saucepans and mixing spoons (dude, for the last 6 months I have not cooked ONCE…) I realized that this whole dinner thing would be SO much easier if they had a cookbook that was dedicated to easy meals that were healthy, home cooked, and 100% toddler approved. And by healthy I mean aimed at letting mom & dad drop a few pounds. ***

Because, really, how many parents who are just starting to refocus on getting healthy or cooking more want to open a cookbook and think to themselves “Oh, spaghetti squash with avocado pesto sauce would be amazing tonight!” (Note, that is currently our meal plan for Saturday, though…) So I turned to Daddio and blurted “We should write a cookbook and have it focused on easy meals low in points that toddlers like which also come withe the option to make in bulk to be frozen and/or used the following day as leftovers for lunches.”

And I think it should have two sections. First is all for the beginners. People like ME who have a desire to start cooking more and making healthy choices for the family but have no idea where the sauce spoons are.

And the second half are for people like Daddio. Who totally know where the sauce spoons are AND know where to find the measuring cups and have reached the “I actually like to cook” point in their lives.

I’m trying to get there people. Trying.

So we’re going to start a “Skinny Mom & Thin Dad” franchise with our first cookbook being called “Baby Steps to Cooking Fit” Because nothing solves the problem of being over worked like adding another project to the mix.

HOWEVER, I’m excited because since the first week that I’ve known Daddio, he’s always commented on wanting to write a cookbook. And I’ve always thought he was looney because no way was I about to spend five years being his guinea pig on how to take traditional English meals and create them on traditional American ingredients. Besides, who exactly was going to BUY that kind of cook book to compensate me for the amount of guineapigging I’d be forced to do in order to support him?

But this? Yeah this whole Skinny Mom/Thin Dad bit is good. Real good. Because Daddio can write and I can learn to cook and together we can focus on teaching our kids how to eat healthy and that cooking your own food is awesome and not totally hippie.

I am excited people.

Now I just need to figure out exactly how to go about the whole coming up with recipes thing. Only a minor set back …

*** I’m sure such a cook-book does exist however for our family we will simply pretend it doesnt and contribute to the pollution of self-help-make-me-skinny-family-friendly-cook-books that sit on the shelves of families across the country.

Oh Yes HE Did

** Note to incoming people posting on this entry¬† – Forgive me for posting my opinion but it is my opinion which I have every right to post. My comments were only that the maternity images were unflattering, which they are, given that she is still not in the big obvious baby belly stage COUPLED WITH her very bored expression as if she couldn’t care less. I’m sorry you feel I’m a cold hearted bitch because of my opinion. Truly. It was obviously never my intention to hurt anyone or I simply could have … oh, left an anonymous comment on a blog calling her ugly, untrue names. As it was, I posted a comment in my personal blog, admitted it was totally 100% anti-PC, and went on with being fascinated by her 8th pregnancy and all that goes with it.

The quality of the photography is perfectly awesome. Simply the pose I was unimpressed with. To each her own though. Thank you for playing. **

So I’ve been procrastinating and surfing around finding fun blogs to read rather than actually work on any of the dozens of business related things I should be working on (yeah, I know) and I came across this site

http://baby-eight.blogspot.com/

Where the blogger is having her 8th child and is writing about all the ups and downs and in between things. Fascinating.

And then she posted some recent belly pics at 21 weeks. Being the curious Momtog I had to look.

And I laughed. Hard.

http://www.karenbove.com/21%20weeks/

Now, first, I seriously thought these were some of the most unflattering maternity images I’ve seen in the aspect that had she not TOLD me she was pregnant, I would have had to GUESS they were supposed to be maternity images and not just some overweight woman. Mean and cruel, I know, whatever.

But then I noticed the lack of smile, make-up, or anything else that would suggest excitement about the event. Daddio looked, and made a comment about it as well.

To which I quickly shot back “Well it’s her EIGHTH child! No wonder she’s not all glowy with maternal anticipation!” Because, of course, I remember all too well what I looked like pregnant and it’s no where near glowy or maternal.

So he responds “No wonder she looks bored, she’s almost run out of fingers to count them on.”

Oh no. Did he seriously just say that?

Yes, he did.

And that’s why I love him.

That’s What She Said

Daddio dropped off the girls tonight.

A few notes about the weekend. MissyLou was picked up on Friday in cotton panties WITHOUT ANYONE TELLING US. So we began the 1.5 hour car ride back home without ANY clue that she was in panties even though last conversation Daddio had with Vex it was mentioned the MissyLou always wore pull-ups for traveling. Plus her panties were full of p**p marks just like MissyMae’s always seem to be. Can no one in that house wipe a rear end properly? Every time we pick up the girls it seems like we’re getting diaper rashes or skidmarks that rival the Texas Motor Speedway track.

So I’m furious about the whole lack of mentioning the cotton panties with the long return car ride. Furious. Mainly because it seems like Vex is never home for Daddio to talk to when he picks up or drops off the girls and we’re never given information about them like if they’ve been switched into cotton panties for a 1.5 hour car ride home. It is just annoying to never have a clue.

Anyway. So he takes they back with a few small pumpkins they picked up at the pumpkin patch on Saturday and each girl painted one pumpkin to take back home while the carved pumpkins will stay at our house. The girls were SO PROUD of their pumpkins. SO proud. So Vex is finally there (first time in 6 weeks) and Daddio talks to her for a minute and she asks if we had any behavior issues form the girls.

Nope. Nothing that’s not age appropriate.

To which she says – essentially – “That’s good. We noticed they come home better behaved.”

Oh yes. That is the SWEET smell of “Oh Hellz Yeah!”

I dont really know Vex, I simply know the effects of her parenting. I simply know that the girls are way beyond sheltered and bordering on lacking any real world skills. That my son is, sadly & boastfully, more advanced than MissyMae who is 11 months older than him. (Boastfully only because I love to talk about how awesomely smart my son is.) I know that the girls never show signs of “missing” their mom and instead talk about going home to see “Grandma” (Who is Vex’s BF’s mother.) I know that the girls like our house. They have fun when they’re with us. And when we go out together as a family, we almost always get compliments from strangers about how “refreshingly well behaved” our children are. Because Daddio & I don’t take no chite from no one in this house.

And I simply know that if she can SEE the difference and be able to understand it’s the work we (Daddio & I) put into running our home & family, perhaps there is hope for her yet.

I know it is an unpopular idea in some circles, because I’m only the “step-mother” (oh my wicked self!) but every single time I see the girls the first thing I do is give them a hug and tell them I love them. I never want any of our children to ever have the opportunity to question if they’re loved. I want that fact to be instilled deep in their minds and hearts so that even when they’re in trouble for being terrible beastly children, they will know there is NOTHING they could do to ever make us (Daddio & I) stop loving them. SO I tell all three kidlets as often as I think of it that I love them. And I hug them and *gasp* kiss them.

I am NOT their mother. I am just the awesome step-mom who loves them dearly. And for that I refuse to apologize. And until THEY make it known they’re uncomfortable with my affections, I’ll keep telling them I love them, hugging them, and kissing them good-night as often as I can.


Who Are These People?

Mav/Momtog/1p2 -
Me. The voice inside your head.

Daddio -
My husband.

MFOC -
Myfavoriteonlychild, my 3 yr old son

MissyMae & MissyLou -
Daddio's two dear daughters from his previous marriage to Vex.

Ama -
My on-again-off-again mother whom MFOC absolutely adores to bits and pieces and I manage to tolerate 6 months and 2 days out of the year.

Vex -
The crazy ex. Because no blended family would be complete without one. (But she's only half crazy EOW & alternating holidays)

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