Archive for the 'vex' Category

Grr Argh

DH has EOW visitation. And EO Friday he takes the girls out to dinner it’s a 2 hour drive after work to get out there. He he leaves an hour early (4) and gets there between 6 and 6:30 depending what time he actually gets on the road, traffic, etc. For 1 year, he has picked them up between 6 – 6:30 and dropped them back off around 8

The youngest is “potty trained” according to BM, but she won’t use the potty when we take her out of the house. So we’ve requested that she be in a pull-up from travel because she won’t announce that she needs to potty first. So tonight we get there at 6:30, bad traffic, pick them up, stop at a store to grab an item, get back to the car, it’s now 7, and the youngest has wet herself. Never said anything, never gave signals that she needed to pee, etc. DH calls BM who proceeds to B#$#$#$ him out on the phone. It’s HIS fault, HE should have had spare clothing for them, HE got there too late and needs to just drop them back off seeing as it’s now 7:20

DH goes back to BMs home and walks youngest up to door to have her changed into clean clothes. At the door same thing, only this time she threatens to call the cops on him if he doesn’t return them by 7:30. So at 7:35 we’re on our way back out to McD’s and she texts him.

7:33 Where are the kids

– playing

I will call the cops then. you had until 7:30 and you knew that. I’ll see you back in court.

– ANd while we’re there I will point out it has been this way all year and should jsut be made 6 – 8 officially

Go for it. But you don’t even arrive at 6

– this one week

-due to unfortunate accident with the potty I would like to enjoy a bit more time with the girls. not breaking anything. I can return them sunday if you prefer.

It does not matter. you are breaking the decree right now and refusing to bring them back. I have it in writing.

– I am not refusing to bring them back. just waiting for them to come back from playing

bull shit. 7:30 is it no matter what. Or are you admitting to not being able to handle the kids while they are in your posession.

– I would like to have a nice visit with the girls as we did swap weekends as you requested.

we will go back to court and you can not have them on thanksgiving. it is my year in the decree. go ahead and keep them, it is the 1st weekend. hope you’re happy.

– lost response likely something of “If that is what you’d like.”

if you do not keep them, yet again you are breaking divorce decree. i will come prepared to court with bills from their dr appointments that you never paid half not to include their medicine, etc.

8:03 You need to let me know one way or another if you are keeping them this weekend or I will assume something bad has happened to the girls and call the cops.

– if we are keeping our plans for thanksgiving we will gladly drop them off. if that is no longer the case we will have them for the weekend.

No we will now follow all plans per divorce decree due to your behaviour

-if that would make you happy

nope not really but my happiness does not matter it’s the girls. and you have kept them out too late, way pas time, so go by the decree.

– Have a good weekend they will be back sunday

Thank you for at least letting me know

 

She’s trying to threaten him with going to court for “unpaid medical bills”. I have to keep reminding DH that’s she’s full of hot air. If the WORST she can complain about to DH is that for the first time in 2 years he returned them home last weekend in DS’s old clothes because their clothes were not dry yet from when we washed them, then, gosh, he must be doing OK. That and these random unpaid medical bills that she’s never shown us or even mentioned until she gets upset and threatens going to court. Here is where it gets tricky. DH and I have been concerned about DSDs socialization and development for awhile. We’ve been researching and not finding a lot of information and not having a lot of “evidence” which we could use in court, just hunches. This weekend we pooled our observations form the last six months and we are 95% convinced that the only time MissyLou leaves Vexs house is with US. MissyMae might leave once in awhile, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. Again. This is from piecing together comments she’s made and observations ourselves.

Daddio and I both are worried about when MissyMae starts school in the fall because she is NOT emotionally ready. It took us 5 months to TEACH them how to play on a playground or go grocery shopping. We have been trying to get MissyMae to go to sunday school and she refuses. As in falls on the ground and flips out into a rage refuses. She is unable to be somewhere that a parent (or trusted caregiver) is not with her. She has started to do this when we go to the gym as well. Refuses to go to the daycare.

Uhm…. something is going to hit the fan when Vex refuses to see there is an issue (because she never takes the girls out anywhere to NOTICE an issue) and in 10 months without making any changes she tries to just drop off MissyMae and think everything will be fine.

 

Yeah. Right.

 

I’ll admit it. I want those girls away from Vex. She doesn’t deserve them. She has NO IDEA how good she has it with Daddio and it just makes me fall apart inside when I see how torn up he gets simply for doing right by his kids because she can’t stand to ever be criticized or not be calling the shots. If she were a good mom and the kids were happy and well adjusted, I would be the first one to tell Daddio to back off and learn to accept his role in his girls’ lives. To trust Vex to be a good mom. BUT SHE’S NOT.

Which makes me a witch for saying that out loud. I get it. But I don’t care because my first priority is to support Daddio in making sure his girls are safe and happy and being raised to be responsible adults. Then I can worry about being a politically correct step-mom.

To trust or not to trust

Vex called Daddio yesterday.

She apparently offered him Thanksgiving week since she took Thanksgiving last year.  — Uhm, thanks for offering us what we were already supposed to have?

Then she asked Daddio if they could switch to just straight EOW rather than 1st, 3rd, 5th because she was getting confused on what is or isn’t a 5th weekend. He wasn’t too sure about it, but mentioned that he’d have to make sure if they did switch that he’d still get thegirls for the weekends his parents are in town over Christmas.

To which Vex says “Oh, would you like them for the two weeks over Christmas while your parents are in town?”

Are you kidding me?

I honestly don’t know how to respond because… this is Vex! She never does something that does not benefit her in some way, so, what’s she getting out of this? Why is she so OK with the girls being gone over the holidays. This concerns me people. It concerns me because for the first time MissyMae threw a fit about going home when we saw her on Friday. Because I don’t see a real bond between these girls and their mother and I’m aching inside WANTING Vex to step up and be there for them. I want MissyMae & MissyLou to have their mother. I want to be the happy step-mom who’s a little looney and always buys cool gifts. I dont want this to go in the direction I’m fearful it’s going, where Vex continues to pawn them off to the point where one day they look at me and say “why doesn’t my mommy love me?” and I’ll have to pull up the big girl panties and think of a response that wont be the cold truth.

I’m sure some people might think Vex is just being nice trying to let Daddio & I have the girls for when his parents are in town. But Vex NEVER does anything nice just because. If this is her first ‘just because’ nice act, then you can understand my suspicion about it and how I can’t help but wonder if maybe, maybe, Vex is off work those weeks and would rather not be home all day with three kids under 4 so she wants to toss them off on us to give her a break. In which case, it goes back to my whole “Step Up VEX!” vent above. YOU made them. You have an obligation to love them and be their mother. If the chaos of 2 toddlers & a newborn is too much then maybe you should think about not having another “Opps” babe and get yourself on some birth control.

Daddio and I are currently trying to think about what we can do when his parents are in town. Our car seats 5. His parents and the girls will make 7. We dont want to be stuck in the house for 2 weeks, obviously, so next question is what exactly do we want to be able to do? So many silly new things to stress about. Someone get me a minivan already?

That’s What She Said

Daddio dropped off the girls tonight.

A few notes about the weekend. MissyLou was picked up on Friday in cotton panties WITHOUT ANYONE TELLING US. So we began the 1.5 hour car ride back home without ANY clue that she was in panties even though last conversation Daddio had with Vex it was mentioned the MissyLou always wore pull-ups for traveling. Plus her panties were full of p**p marks just like MissyMae’s always seem to be. Can no one in that house wipe a rear end properly? Every time we pick up the girls it seems like we’re getting diaper rashes or skidmarks that rival the Texas Motor Speedway track.

So I’m furious about the whole lack of mentioning the cotton panties with the long return car ride. Furious. Mainly because it seems like Vex is never home for Daddio to talk to when he picks up or drops off the girls and we’re never given information about them like if they’ve been switched into cotton panties for a 1.5 hour car ride home. It is just annoying to never have a clue.

Anyway. So he takes they back with a few small pumpkins they picked up at the pumpkin patch on Saturday and each girl painted one pumpkin to take back home while the carved pumpkins will stay at our house. The girls were SO PROUD of their pumpkins. SO proud. So Vex is finally there (first time in 6 weeks) and Daddio talks to her for a minute and she asks if we had any behavior issues form the girls.

Nope. Nothing that’s not age appropriate.

To which she says – essentially – “That’s good. We noticed they come home better behaved.”

Oh yes. That is the SWEET smell of “Oh Hellz Yeah!”

I dont really know Vex, I simply know the effects of her parenting. I simply know that the girls are way beyond sheltered and bordering on lacking any real world skills. That my son is, sadly & boastfully, more advanced than MissyMae who is 11 months older than him. (Boastfully only because I love to talk about how awesomely smart my son is.) I know that the girls never show signs of “missing” their mom and instead talk about going home to see “Grandma” (Who is Vex’s BF’s mother.) I know that the girls like our house. They have fun when they’re with us. And when we go out together as a family, we almost always get compliments from strangers about how “refreshingly well behaved” our children are. Because Daddio & I don’t take no chite from no one in this house.

And I simply know that if she can SEE the difference and be able to understand it’s the work we (Daddio & I) put into running our home & family, perhaps there is hope for her yet.

I know it is an unpopular idea in some circles, because I’m only the “step-mother” (oh my wicked self!) but every single time I see the girls the first thing I do is give them a hug and tell them I love them. I never want any of our children to ever have the opportunity to question if they’re loved. I want that fact to be instilled deep in their minds and hearts so that even when they’re in trouble for being terrible beastly children, they will know there is NOTHING they could do to ever make us (Daddio & I) stop loving them. SO I tell all three kidlets as often as I think of it that I love them. And I hug them and *gasp* kiss them.

I am NOT their mother. I am just the awesome step-mom who loves them dearly. And for that I refuse to apologize. And until THEY make it known they’re uncomfortable with my affections, I’ll keep telling them I love them, hugging them, and kissing them good-night as often as I can.

she said

Apparently Daddio talked to Vex on Friday while he was driving out to pick up the girls and she oh-so-casually happened to mention to him that she would be doing some fall & winter clothes shopping for the girls and she’d just give him the receipt to pay half if he’d like.

He replied very nicely (much more nicely that I would have) with a simple “We already have winter clothes for them here but thanks.”

Likewise she also offered that since she works 45 minutes away from us that she’d bring the girls with her in the morning on Friday so that Daddio could pick them up at 8AM and drop them off at bed time at night.

Uh?

Please tell me you’re on drugs and not that mentally challenged when it comes to common sense.

Now, this may seem odd to some people but I am that type of step-mom who thinks she can make the kids’ lives so much better off by being as nice as possible to their mother and thinking as many positive thoughts as possible to avoid thinking about the craptastic crap their mother tries to constantly pull. But if we can avoid showing any dislike towards thier mother (in front of them) then things will be better all around.

So I try, often, to think nice happy thoughts about Vex.

I try to remind myself that in some odd weird way I am now part of her daughters’ family and thus connected to her through them. I know, not the most popular step-mom opinion but it’s MY opinion.

I have never fully understood this whole “I will cease to acknowledge your existence once the kids step foot into my house” attitude that so many blended family mom’s have.

In our house, we have “Mommy ‘Vex” who is the girls’ mommy. Because both girls have decided to call me “Mommy” – despite my initial discouragement, now I just flow with it – at times I needed a way to talk about THEIR mommy, Mommy Vex, or “your mommy”.  But at the same time I am also their “stand in mommy” when they’re in our house. I am not their REAL mommy, I just get to be a fun cool mommy that bakes cookies and dresses them in skirts and takes them to the park and reads stories.

Again, that is not a popular opinion but it’s MINE.

MissyMae has recently started to referre to Vex & Vex’s house as “My Family”.  Daddio and I have tried to encourage the idea that MissyMae and MissyLou are special girls who have TWO families. One with THEIR Mommy Vex and one with Daddio.  But this also doesn’t sit totally right with me because, as a child of divorced parents, I HATED having two of everything and having my parents so … split-up. I hated that the idea of one family with two branches wasn’t encouraged more to me. That it was my mom’s house was my home and my family and that where my dad lived was just “Dad’s house, dad’s wife” etc. It was not MY anything.

Daddio are very diligent about making the girls both feel just as part of our family as myfavoriteonlychild, even if they’re not here as often.

They still get the same treatment

follow the same rules

and have the same amount of sweet luvin’ given to them.

But I am anticipating that this will not last long.

I am going to enroll myfavoriteonlychild in dance lessons next year (January). He needs an outlet and I think it will be fun. But the girls do not have these advantages. All too soon I am envisioning the dance of having myfavoriteonlychild off at activities on weekends and during the week and when we have the girls having them look to us wondering why they aren’t going too.

Speaking of …

On Sunday Vex called Daddio to ask his permission to add her BF to the Bally’s Fitness account that Daddio and Vex are still on (expires in September 2010). Daddio says as long as THEY take over the monthyl payments he’s cool with it. Digger deeper into the convo, he realizes that she’s asking his permission to have Bally’s charge the $62 fee to add her BF to the card on file (Daddio’s).  Daddio says no way, and that on Monday they can put Vex’s card on file, remove Daddio’s, and then the BF can be added to the account.

Soon as he hangs up with her I turn to him and go “So, they’re going to be working out at Bally’s where there is no childcare and thus leaving the kids home.”

I told Daddio next time he talks to Vex he should just tell her to join the YMCA where at least they can take the kids to the provided daycare so the girls can get out once in awhile and learn to socialize.

positive thoughts. positive thoughts. positive thoughts.


Who Are These People?

Mav/Momtog/1p2 -
Me. The voice inside your head.

Daddio -
My husband.

MFOC -
Myfavoriteonlychild, my 3 yr old son

MissyMae & MissyLou -
Daddio's two dear daughters from his previous marriage to Vex.

Ama -
My on-again-off-again mother whom MFOC absolutely adores to bits and pieces and I manage to tolerate 6 months and 2 days out of the year.

Vex -
The crazy ex. Because no blended family would be complete without one. (But she's only half crazy EOW & alternating holidays)

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