Going through the open tabs and trying to consolidate them as much as possible or at least close the ones I really don’t care enough about to continue reading and I stumbled on this little jewel.
At first I was having a fun giggle or two at the images of her being ‘dangerously close’ to fitting into her favorite jeans again. But something she said stuck with me in regards to her post-baby body –
‘It’s as if I have to make peace with my body again. No cardio will ever lift my c-section scar or my stretch marks – they’re my baby battle wounds. But… I will fit in my jeans again. I can do the work to make that happen. And, I will find a way to feel sexy again.’
Since MFOC was born I’ve yo-yoed up and down with the same 10 pounds. Very long yo-yos, but still the same. The truth is, I think a part of my was too scared to face the reality.
No matter how much weight I lose, my body will NEVER be the way it was when I was 19.
Some of the changes in my body would require lots of expensive and unneeded surgeries in order to make it look like “before”. Who wants to admit that? Who wants to admit that even after all the hard work and reaching that end goal, seeing the goal weight on the scale, that even then you still won’t look like those models. It makes you wonder in the back of your head if it’s worth it. If the struggle is worth it.
I am not just on a quest to reach a specific weight. I am on a quest to find myself sexy again. Sexy in a make love with the lights on kind of way. The physical marks on my body from pregnancy and birthing a child are never.going.away. Even with losing 60+ pounds (in the end) they will still be there.
And my boobs will still sag.
I need to be able to understand that, expect it, respect it. I have to find a way to make peace with my ‘mommy body’ and while I get fit & healthy I need to be embracing the changes my body went through 3 years ago and not let it hold me back from feeling sexy and attractive.
I need to redefine my idea of sexy to include room for saggy skin, stretch marks, and even a little muffin-top. I need to redefine what sexy is to me, so that I can be able to view myself as fitting into that definition.